An Open Letter to Side Chicks


I was watching season 3 of OWN’s ‘Love & Marriage’ when recently divorced Martell, indirectly declared his love for his side chick. During his declaration he indicated that he, and his ex-wife Melody, were no longer compatible, after twelve years of marriage. The fact that they’d built successful businesses together and had raised four beautiful children meant nothing because he was now in love with side chick who recently had their son. That got me to thinking.


The fact that his businesses began to fail along with his marriage was not a clue that there was something wrong. The fact that he’d lost his respectability within his community wasn’t a red flag that perhaps the side chick was the problem. The fact that he was so convinced that he was no longer compatible to the mother of his children and the woman who attributed to his success, was shocking to say the least. But lets put Martell and Melody to the side and look at the side chick.


Girl. You didn’t see the decline in his business when you came into his life? You didn’t notice he was losing deals along the way? You didn’t know that his standing in the community diminished when you came on the scene? Or is that you just didn’t care? And if not, why? How, if you were the woman God created him to be with, how could you not see this man’s decline? How could you not know that his business, standing in the community, and all that he’d worked so hard for over the years was deteriorating? How could you not see that, chile? Especially since you were so convinced that you should have been his wife. Because if you were sis, then you should have known that you were the problem. You should have picked that man up in the spirit and prayed for him, girl. But you know why you didn’t? Because you couldn’t.



You were not neither will you ever be the woman God created for him. You know how I know? Because you came into his life sideways. Side chicks always do. Because if you really cared about that man, you would have his best interest at heart. And if it meant he couldn’t be with you, then so be it. Because that’s what love does. But you don’t love him and contrary to his declaration, he doesn’t love you. How do I know?


Because 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, ‘…does not seek its own.’ Meaning you wouldn’t be seeking or caring about your feelings, you’d put his first. But you can’t and neither will you ever be able to. You know how I know? Because that man is not yours. Like the woman at the well, “…the one whom you now have is not your husband.” (John 4:18) And I get it. It feels like its too late because you’re already feeling some type of way and have a child with a man who’s not yours. But you’re gonna have to put your big girl panties on and walk away because if you don’t, you’ll never experience the God-kind-of-love God created you to have, simply because you got in the way of someone else’s. Namely, Melody’s.


Like it or not, Martell is Melody’s…in the eyes of God. She’s the woman God created for Martell. How do I know? Because God blessed them with four beautiful children, a wonderful marriage and several successful businesses. That marriage had God written all over it…until Martell stepped out. And the cold thing about it, girl, is that you weren’t the first. You were one of many side chicks and I know you tell yourself that you got that good but nah sis. That’s not what did it. Not taking anything away from your bedroom skills and the woman you are, but girl that ain’t it. Melody was tired. Melody was the reason he left. How do I know? Because she stayed while he dipped. If Melody hadn’t filed for divorce, your man would have still been with the woman God created for him for while simultaneously entertaining you. I know it hurts but it’s the truth.


I say this because ‘open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.’ (Pro. 27:5) I know some in your circle aren’t pleased with you and you’ve probably lost just as much as Martell but girl, for your son, get out of that relationship. Repent and walk away from that relationship so that one day God can send you the man that He uniquely created to love you…and Martell’s son.


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