I was listening to a podcast today entitled, ‘Righteous & Ratchet’ with @kevonstage and @iamdoboy, and DoBoy made a statement that got me to thinking. He said that all he wanted for Christmas was a wife. Because Kevon is married, he found his wish crazy. As a single woman, I totally get DoBoy. In that, Christmas is a time for wishes. And if I had my way, my future husband and I would be doing what grown folks do under our Christmas tree. But DoBoy said what all singles have thought and that’s, if there was an actual Santa and we could climb our grown tails into his velvety lap and tell him what we wanted for Christmas, we’d tell him to have Rudolph run our spouses by the crib. Unfortunately, there’s no such thing as Santa. But we do have Someone who’s far greater, and that’s God. The problem is that as singles, we take on a Santa-ish mentality when it comes to marriage. We think we’re just supposed to write Santa a letter and voila, the Mr. or Mrs. will fall through. For some, marriage is just that simple. But can I be frank? You can get married next week if you just want a wedding. But if you’re truly ready for marriage, then it’s going to take more than a wish.
Created for DoBoy
What was interesting about the podcast is that DoBoy felt that the one thing that was preventing him from finding his good thing was the fact that "he was smashing." His words, not mine. He said that on more than few occasions he sensed that he’d be able to find the Mrs., if only he could get his private parts under control. Now maybe I’m not the one to comment, especially since I’ve been celibate for more years than I’d like to say, but you know what sir, you’re right. It’s hard for you to think when your head does it for you. Understanding that you’ve convinced yourself that you have to see what its like before you commit, but the thing about that sir, is that you’re not just marrying her body, you’re marrying her spirit. And though she may be sexually compatible, she may also be a spiritual misfit. Meaning she’ll never be able to help, encourage or protect your hopes, dreams, and spirit, cover you in prayer or help you in times of crisis. Not that she’s a bad person. Not at all. She’s just not the one God created for you. Because you did know that didn’t you sir? That God CREATED a woman just for you. No seriously.
1 Corinthians 11:8, 9 says, ‘For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.’ Create is an interesting word. It comes from ‘the idea of proprietorship of the manufacturer or to fabricate1.’ A manufacturer takes raw materials and makes them into a specific patented product. God did the same for you. There is a woman that has been made from the same raw materials as you. She thinks like you. She moves like you. She was uniquely fabricated or created to fit your every need bruh, and that includes your sexual ones. The contour of her private parts were uniquely configured to satisfy and to please you. This is what DoBoy meant when he said he felt that his sex drive was getting in the way of him finding his wife. Proverbs 18:22 says, ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing…’ Pardon my forwardness, but a good piece is not to be confused with a good thing. DoBoy was attempting to locate his wife with his private part, as opposed with his spirit, and that method of navigation won’t work. The reason his navigational skills seem to always lead to a dead-end is because of the status of his spirit. Simply put, his Word-level is low. In other words, he’s out here in these single streets on E.
The best thing for DoBoy (or you) to do is not to set such a lofty goal of celibacy until marriage…says the woman who’s been celibate for years. The best way for him (or you) to approach it is to take a Sexual Sabbatical. Set a time in which you’re going to abstain from all forms of sexual activities which include: sex talk, visual sex, kissing, touching, dancing, dry humping, self-sex, vaginal/penile massages, and/or oral sex. So let’s just say you want to go for a week. Yes, a week. Because going without sex isn’t as easy as you think. I’ve only been successful at it because in the beginning I took it one-day-at-a-time because your girl used to be a certified pro. #frfr I digress. But say you decide you want to go without sex for a week. That means for seven days you aren’t going to talk about or watch any porn. You aren’t going to kiss or touch anyone sexually. You’re not going to twerk, dry hump, or pleasure yourself. I repeat, you’re not going to pleasure yourself. And this is why I suggested that you start off with 7 days because you thought it was only sex. And this is probably why you’ve been unsuccessful in your attempts to abstain. Because other parts of your life were sexually infused.
The way to go about it is to ease into it. Take for instance, if you wanted to stop smoking. More than likely, you just can’t quit cold turkey. You may be able to for a few weeks, but after a while you’re going to smoke again. The way to stop smoking is to limit the amount of cigarettes you smoke. As opposed to a pack-a-day, cut back to one an hour. Do that for about two weeks, and then cut back even more. This is so you can experience some success and sense of accomplishment. The same method is true with sex. You’re going to have to cut back on the hours you consume sex. Then, wean yourself off of it. As opposed to saying you’re going to take a 7-day sexual sabbatical, say that you’re not going to watch porn or pleasure yourself for a week. Try that first, then see how you do. If you can’t do both, start with one for one week. But don’t give up. I understand such talk might offend some. But you have to be practical. James 2:26 says that '...faith without works is dead.' Yes, believe God for your deliverance, but also put in the work.
Why Would You Want to Take a Sexual Sabbatical
So let’s address the elephant in the room and that’s, "Why would you want to take a sexual sabbatical?" Glad you asked. Instead of giving you one reason, I’ll give you 53. 53 what? 53 Reasons Why You Should Consider Taking a Sexual Sabbatical. If you agree with at least 5, then you should get started…immedically. #likeratnow
To teach bae a lesson.
To show your partner you can live without sex.
In toxic relationship but sex is great and need to pull away.
Seems as if she loses respect for you after sex because of the way you react during.
Tired of giving people that power over you.
Feel like you’re being controlled by it.
Living with bae and would like to put sex on hold for a while.
Want to see what it’s like to date without it.
To curve your attraction for the same sex.
Tired of having sex with your married boyfriend.
Tired of being a side chick.
No longer want to be objectified.
Ready to leave sugaring and your ‘arrangement’.
Leaving the sex industry but need time to figure out how you’ll survive financially.
Tired of being used sexually.
Had an abortion and hurting from decision.
Stripping and ready to retire.
No longer want to be a professional escort and looking for a way out .
Porn viewing and re-enactments have gotten out of hand.
Have been a victim of trafficking and need help with sexual decisions.
Tired of feeling guilty after sex.
To be a better example for your daughters.
Realized daughters looking at your example and see they’re repeating your mistakes.
Just need a break and ready to give your body a rest.
Want to discover who you really are when you no longer have sex to offer.
Want to test yourself to see if it’s possible.
To show your sons, by example, what type of woman to choose.
Need time to get over, heal and forgive your ex.
Recently divorced (or broke up from long term relationship) and about to start dating.
Lost your virginity too soon and desire to do it God’s way.
Have been a victim of sexual assault and need time to heal.
Recovering sex addict.
To take some time to get closer to God.
No longer want to use it as a form of control.
Want to study the purpose of sex so can make better sexual decisions.
Hold a church leadership position and no longer want to feel hypocritical.
Enjoy sex but know you shouldn’t be doing it outside of marriage.
Not taught properly about sex.
Love God and want to live life as a sexy, sexually pure single.
Ready to discover your purpose without distractions.
Ready to discover who you are apart from your sexual identity.
To give your future husband the gift of purity on your wedding day.
To take some time to focus on you.
Want to see if your partner will fully commit, without it.
Taking the mother-daughter challenge.
To test your relationship.
Want to save yourself for future husband.
To make sense of your present relationship.
In premarital counseling and instructed would need to do so.
Very competitive and want to see who can go the longest.
One of your girlfriends just came out of a bad relationship and has a habit of having sex too quickly and you want to do something to support her until Mr. Right comes along.
So did you find at least 5? Interesting. Very interesting. The question now becomes, what are you going to do about it?
Why I wrote a post about @kevonstage and @iamdoboy, who by the way you should definitely follow, on the day we celebrate our Lord and Savior's birth, I don’t know. Maybe this is my Christmas gift to you. Maybe you needed someone to tell you to keep your private parts to yourself before you head into the new year. #nopunintended Maybe you needed 53 Reasons to Consider Taking a Sexual Sabbatical in 2019. I don’t know. But whatever the reason, Merry Christmas. May 2019 be the year you meet the man or woman God created just for you.
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1 New King James Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, James Stro