I was watching a clip of Samantha Lee, speak about her separation from Tyrese Gibson. In a nutshell she said the reason for the separation was because Tyrese, a singer, bestselling author, high grossing film actor, and screenwriter1 is a celebrity, who felt as if he didn’t have to do anything as a husband. She said she felt that he feels that since he is a ‘high value man’, the women he encounters must be willing to accept that because he is a celebrity, they also have to be willing to swallow occasional infidelity. Thankfully, she did not.
When she made that statement, I was perturbed. Not because what she said isn’t true because I’m sure it is. Though I’ve never dated a celebrity, I have had my share of dope boys in the past so I can attest to that line of thinking. The problem I had is that as his wife, she said she knew that he didn’t feel obligated to do any work on himself. I refer to that as soul work. Because he didn’t feel obligated to do his soul work, he assumed that because she married him, she married into his lifestyle, and to that I agree. But from a Christian standpoint, that means she agreed to the lifestyle of a celebrity not the lifestyle of a celebrity Christian playboy. Those are not the same and as she clearly stated, was not acceptable neither was it the plan she had for her life.
Again, the fact that high-profile celebrities, especially Christian ones, would buy into that way of thinking is telling. Telling in the sense that as a former side chick, (as in 18 years ago), I had no problem in being with a man who made it perfectly clear he had a wife. To me, I was like, “So what?” But after being sentenced to 18 years of abstinence and aloneness, I can now see how husbands are actually being played. Allow me to explain.
Tyrese is a celebrity which means ANY woman who approaches him KNOWS, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is a married man. So, if she still pursues, dare I say, prey on him, that’s on him. Though it seems as if he’s the hunter, when it comes to marriage, the opposite is true. He was in fact hunted. Though he may have his pick as to who he hooks up with, he is still prey. Why? Because whoever she was baited the hook with her looks. She set the trap of attractiveness which meant if he proceeded, he’d be got as she walked away with the thrill of the kill. She can now say she hit…I mean killed that. Yes, I know it sounds strange, but the game has changed and now women are savages when it comes to sex.
If I were still in the game, I’d have to dap her up and say, “Kudos for the win girl!” Why? Because she did that. She played the game how it’s supposed to be played. She did what she set out to do and that was to prove that this dude wasn’t who he said he was. He said that he was a Christian. He said that he was happily married. He was the one all on the Gram showing videos of he and his wife’s date nights. He put his marriage out there like that, not here. Yet, when the opportunity presented itself, he got got. She hit…I mean killed that. Again, I know that doesn’t sound very Christian and may come across as savage, but that’s the nature of the game. The game is not censored neither does it care about your feelings so if you’re a Christian, as am I, then don’t trip because that’s how the game goes. And this is why my ministry is called REAL ISSUES MINISTRIES. Because these are the REAL ISSUES that need to be discussed in Christian-dom. Maybe not as forthright and poignant as I am now, but discussed, nonetheless.
In fact, when you do a quick study of adultery in the Bible, more often than not, its referring to a woman. Proverbs 2:16-19 speaks of the, ‘…adulterous…wayward woman…who...ignored the covenant she made before God’ while the ‘…immoral…seductress…who…enraptures’ is discussed in Proverbs 5:20. And what about the woman at the well in John 4 who ‘had five husbands’ and let’s not forget the woman caught in adultery who was brought before Jesus in John 8. In each instance the woman was the player. Am I saying that the Bible is sexist? Absolutely not! I merely reference the aforementioned to prove the point that even biblically, woman can be sexually savage too.
But let’s analyze this from Tyrese’s point of view for a moment. Let’s be truthful, shall we? Tyrese was a model. Coupled with the fact that he is a celebrity, has to do something to his ego and says a little bit about him as a man. But let’s say for a moment that he feels that he really didn’t do anything wrong. I mean come on y’all. Can you imagine how many times he’s blocked, turned down, and ignored in person opportunities to cheat. Let’s not even factor in the amount of thirst traps he probably encounters regularly in his DM’s. With that in mind, could he possibly have thought that the one time he did step outside his marriage didn’t count? I mean think about it. Statistically, he is absolutely right and from a game perspective, he would be correct. But as a son of the Most High God who took a vow before a his wife, a Pastor and the Most High, he’s woefully wrong.
Because the truth of the matter is that as a married son of the Most High God, he got got. Pure and simple. As a male reader, you may not agree, and I totally understand. But let’s keep it G for a moment. Who got played? The single chick that hit or the married, million-dollar celebrity? My. Point. Exactly. He lost his wife and to some that may be a small thing. But as a Christian, he’s now frowned upon; only because Christian’s are expected to be faithful. But can I tell you something? What he did is no different than what a Bible quoting, note taking, choir singing, faithful Bible Study, church attending sexually active single Christian woman does today. Yeah, he’s married and she’s not but in the eyes of God, any sex – OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE – whether heterosexual, homosexual, and/or extramarital is sin, so what’s the difference? So before you get in your judgmental bag, put that thang up because there’s a lesson in this for us all. But I digress.
After watching Mrs. Gibson’s video, I kept thinking about their marriage because I must admit, I so enjoyed watching the way they loved one another. I kept thinking, how could something like this happen? When I read his bio and the fact that I’m a writer, two things struck out about him as a man: (1) His first bestseller, ‘How to Get Out of Your Own Way’ describes what he had to do in order to get to where he is. But at the same time, I thought it’s also reminiscent of the fact that he hasn’t gotten out of his own way as it pertains to faithfulness. What I saw is that Tyrese cannot be faithful to his wife until he is first faithful to God. His inability to keep his marriage vows is only a result of his inability to be faithful to His God. Until he works on that, he will never be able to be faithful to anyone, including to himself.
The second thing that struck me was the fact that he co-authored, ‘Manology: Secrets of Your Man's Mind Revealed’. The fact that he did tells me that he is very in tune with who he is as a man and has the gift to help others understand the mysterious things that go on in a man’s mind. It’s also telling that he has yet to take his secret obsession with unfaithfulness to God. Maybe obsession isn’t the word but the way he thinks about marriage and faithfulness is perhaps something he needs to explore. Once he discovers what the Bible says about faithfulness, then and only then will he be able to get out of his own way because then and only then will God reveal the mystery of godliness and give him the grace that’s needed to be the faithful man of God he was created to be.
But again, let’s not point our boney little fingers at his infidelity while at the same time remaining woefully unfaithful to God. There are areas in our sexuality, whether married or single, in which we can all do better. So instead of side-eyeing and judging, lets lift up the Gibson’s in prayer, shall we?
Pray this with me: Heavenly Father, please forgive me for judging Tyrese’s infidelity when there are areas in my own life where I have been just as unfaithful to You. Lord I ask that You’d be patient with him as he gets out his own way and into Your plan and will for his life. I ask that You’d heal Samantha’s heart. And Lord, I repent for my unfaithfulness and I ask that You’d teach me how to be more faithful to You. In Jesus’ name.
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